EMERGENCE

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       Noted, without suprise, country of manufacture: Ger-
man designers notorious for overengineering, obsession with
excess gimmickry. Dieter Heinz, resident madcap mechanic/
social critic at small VW dealership back home, possesed in
ample measure practical field-worker's contempt for Ivory-
Tower theoreticians; opined most warranty recalls result of
factory engineers' insistence on devising ingenious solutions
to nonexistent problems. Referred to resultant debacles as
"chooting zemselves een ze voot."
      Dieter Speculated was real explanation of how Nazis lost
war. Took particular delight in satarizing defect bulletins,
highlighting technical overkill. Remember one in particular:

TO: All Noncommissioned Officers and Below.
FROM: Blitzkrieg High Command Quality Control
Center.
SUBJECT: Hand-Grenade Repair Bulletin Follow-
up.
MESSAGE: In a previous bulletin, ZVP—111000WUB—
827—D, it was reported that certain hand grenades
manufactured by subcontracter Sturm & Drang be-
tween 3 June 1943 and 8 October 1943, bearing
Serial Numbers 87A000—112498BZQ148 through
87A000—112498BZS157 in one-millimeter-high char-
acters on the inside of the release lever, have deto-
nated in 4.91465 seconds instead of the specified
4.97771 seconds. This variation exceeded manufac-
turing tolerances.
       Bulletin ZVP—111000WUB—827—D described how
to correct this defect. However, it has been learned
that this bulletin contains a typographical error. If
Step 3 is followed as written, hand grenades so
modified will detonate in .07331 seconds and could 
pose a hazard to the user.
      All copies of bulletin ZVP—111000WUB—827—D
must be corrected as follows: In Step 3, the word
"left" in the third line should be deleted and the 
word "right" inserted. If the corrected instructions
are followed properly, the hand grenades will per-
form satisfactorily.
      However, if any hand grenades are observed to
detonate in .07331 seconds, even after being correctly
modified, safety pins and release levers of such hand
grenades must be returned to Blitzkreig Warranty
Center. Upon receipt of safety pins and release
levers, together with Quality Control Follow-up Re-
port Forms filled out correctly, credit will be issued.
Credit will not be issued if forms are filled out
incorrectly.
    Dieter posted above on service-department bulletin board
during scheduled zone man inspection. Zone man German-
born, -raised; ex-Reichwehr foot soldier. Was reported
unamused.
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